Why Pokemon Go Is A Health Hazard

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Pokemon Go doesn’t have to lead to tens of thousands dead and dying. It truly doesn’t. With the proper precautions, we can cut that figure down to a thousand, two thousand, TOPS. Here are some of the hazards you should watch for while catching.
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Skateboarding

At first look, skateboarding might seem like a good idea while catching. But you could lose your balance and scratch yourself. OW!
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Wandering Onto Subway Tracks

If your city HAS subway tracks, be sure not to wander onto them while playing Pokemon Go. There are numerous hazards there. These include giant rats, alligators, Cloverfield monster-spawns and oncoming subway trains. Sometimes the rails are electrified. That’s no fun, either.
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Driving

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Ignoring Police Commands

Police officers don’t like being ignored while your catching Pokemon. Sometimes, if the emotional anguish is unbearable, they’ll tase you, or perhaps even shoot you. It’s all really just a cry for help. Policing is a very stressful job.
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Don’t Sprain Your Knee

There’s actually no real relationship between spraining your knee and playing Pokemon Go. But it’s never fun spraining your knee, so don’t do it. OK?
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Don’t Drink And Catch

Alcohol and catching Pokemon do NOT mix. There is a 54% chance you’ll spill your drink. Don’t do it.
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Watch What’s Behind You

If, while catching, you hear a loud, but low growl behind you, take that as a moment when you should pause, then turn around. Probably it’ll be nothing.
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Faling Off A Cliff

A Pokemon can float in the air. If you can’t, it is advisable to keep an eye open for the edges of cliffs. If you can… no problem!
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Angry Badgers

Some Pokemons can, when seen in certain light, resemble an angry badger. But it might really BE an angry badger. The problem here is that angry badgers resent attempts to catch them. Often, it’s what made them angry in the first place.
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Alien Abduction

It’s fun catching Pokemons! Just make sure to stay alert to whatever might be out there trying to catch YOU! So, unless you’re just into body cavity probes (and you know who you are!) watch out for aliens while you’re playing Pokemon Go.
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